Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
