his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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