Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
