dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
