I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
