I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
