dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
