I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i came on her dog
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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