Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Randomize
