We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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