yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
