I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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