I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
