It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
