I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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