I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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