Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
