Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize