I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
