benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
