yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
