I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize