dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
