Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
