Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
