I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
