Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize