Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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