Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Drake has all the answers
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
