I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
