Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
