Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
