Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
