Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
