also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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