hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
