and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
