Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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