Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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