Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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