You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
