All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
