Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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