The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
