Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
