just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
