i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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