I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize