i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
