Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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