I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
