I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize