either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I want a musical about memes.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
