My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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