Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
