he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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