I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
