At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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