Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
