maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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