So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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