Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Help. Why am I so naked?
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